An open letter

It's been a couple of weeks since I last heard from you. It feels good that I can now ignore you, and talking to you rarely crosses my mind. Now that I've had the chance to distance myself from you, I also had the clarity of mind to make a few important realizations on how you are as a friend. Half the world has been telling these things to me but I kept on ignoring them and kept on dismissing them as mere naysayers. Why? Maybe because you were the perfect replacement for a bestfriend that suddenly left for another country. Yep, you were my sort of rebound bestfriend. You were in the right place at the right time, or maybe I should say I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't get me wrong, you are a kind person; one with good intentions. Unfortunately, your methods and views in life are.... how do I put this nicely.... fucked up.

My other friends kept on warning me about your tendency to "utilize" other people but I somehow kept on dismissing them. I was always having these thoughts that yeah maybe they are right, but I kept on thinking that maybe I'm just misinterpreting your actions. My mind operated like this for more than a year. What did it take to burst the bubble of my disillusionment? It was a simple conversation with one of your friends. One who is supposed to be one of your closest friends here in the country. So what was it that opened my eyes to your true colors that I've been blinding myself to? You see I'm aware that your friend was once stuck in a period of unemployment after he quit his job and was still searching for one. In other words he was broke as can be and needed a place to stay. Perfect timing that you needed someone to watch your business for a week while you go back to your homeland. I'm aware that you asked him to run your business for you. What I wasn't aware of is how you didn't pay him a single centavo for the favor he extended to you. This made me realize how much of a user you are. This opened my eyes to all the other flaws of your twisted personality.

It's amazing how you're so quick and keen to remind others of what they supposedly owe you but you always seem to have a reason to weasel your way out of what you owe others. Win a bet and your faster than light to claim your free meal or whatever it may be, but when you lose, you suddenly mention rules that were never agreed upon or you suddenly start saying how the bet wasn't fair. Not just on bets but you also always have the perfect reason for everything. You ditched me so that you can have dinner with your other friends who you didn't have plans with? Yeap, just say that you left me alone because you thought I'd be out of place because your friends are lazy to speak in English. You were only concerned about me feeling left out so you chose to ditch me. Seems totally reasonable. And how about your suggestion of blowing off my money for me to "experience and enjoy life" and when I said that I'm prioritizing paying my bills rather than leisure, you told me that my parents and family are there for me. That's a totally mature take on life. "Blow off my money because my family will save my broke ass." Ever think of how people might get tired supporting you when you never seem to bother to be responsible? Let me also ask the question how come you only message me when you need something. Don't even bother denying this as I've reread all of your messages and I have confirmed this. Anyway, I'll stop enumerating now.

So what does this mean? Will I stop talking to you and start bashing you at every chance I get? Nope, my mom taught me better than that, but expect that I won't be the same "friend" that will be always there trying to help you in all of your ventures. Maybe it's time you start pulling your own weight. Peace.

On befriending people from other cultures

Let me lead by saying that this doesn't necessarily apply to all foreigners, this is just something that I noticed with a few of my friends who are from another country.

I love having friends from different countries. Differences in culture have always fascinated me and I've never passed up on a chance to experience or at least get to know a culture that is different from mine. I've always had this thing for learning different signs of respect, table etiquette and all other sorts of gestures that were specific to another country. I try my best to observe them whenever I hang out with people from that country and I try my best to be at least sensitive to cultural differences whenever there are differences in their practices and beliefs from what I am used to. I believe it's not so hard to be sensitive to other cultures. Merely having good manners and right conduct will help you get along with foreigners as I think that there is a HUGE commonality among the social norms of almost all the countries in our world. I personally try my best to respect the culture of other people so what irritates me the most is when I experience foreigners saying that a social norm in my country is "stupid" or "wrong". Look, we respect your culture, would it kill you to respect ours? It would be perfectly ok if you said that a particular habit of Filipinos isn't considered as proper in your homeland but to label it as "stupid" and/or "wrong" like your culture is the global basis of what is right and wrong is just plain irresponsible and, sorry, stupid. Also, when we are hanging out with you, we appreciate it if you teach us about your culture and traditions like table etiquette and other shit, but don't get angry when we don't do it. Don't forget that you are in our country. You guys are the visitors, not us. So if there's someone who should be adapting, it should be you and not us. Anything that we do to try to adapt to your culture is a mere bonus, so stop shoving your practices down our throats since you are in our country. If you are going to insist that people do as you guys do in your country, then maybe you should fly back to your motherland. There's a saying: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." And lastly, the thing that irritates me most is when I hear the lame excuse that I was excluded from a certain activity BECAUSE I AM FILIPINO. Here are some examples: There was this time that I was invited over to a cafe by a Korean friend and after I got there, a couple of his other Korean friends coincidentally arrived. When they got there my Korean friend began talking to them, they invited him for dinner and I was left alone in the cafe looking like an idiot. After his friends left he came back and explained that he left me because he was "concerned" that his friends will talk in Korean and since I am a Filipino, I wouldn't understand and just feel alienated. Nice try, but that isn't concern. That's just laziness to be sensitive enough to acknowledge that you have a guest who don't speak your language. That's laziness to give a hint to your uninvited guests that you are there with someone and that you aren't actually free to have dinner with them. Never ever disguise your insensitivity as concern. 

Once again, I want to remind everyone that this post does not generalize all of the foreigners here in the country. This is just some sort of rant about the FEW assholes that I had to endure being with. Your mileage with friends from other countries may vary and I hope that you get the nice ones, so that you can enjoy learning about the world through the eyes of their culture and also letting them learn a little bit about yours.